Please Let Me Apologise

I can see it all clearly, the day is bright and the plaground busy with activity. One of the kids throws a ball to be caught, it misses the catcher and hits the person behind. Whose to blame, the thrower, the catcher, or the person standing too close to the game? The first emotional response to any mishap we might be involved in, is to reject responsibilty for any part in it. Essentially, no one wants to be part of something that goes wrong, and even though we are aware that things always do, we resist it.

Being a person who has the ability to hold themselves accountable when neccessary, takes maturity and self-awareness. Anyone who can look adversity in the face and take responsibilty for the part they have played in it, is a modern day hero and an asset to any environment.

However, like the old saying goes, 'too much of something good, is bad'.

There is a negative side to saying sorry.

In the not too distant past, I have had some of my closest friends and acquaintances tell me that I apologize too often and take responsibility for other peoples behaviour.

The dark side of saying sorry, comes in the form of conflict avoidance, complacency and other forms of co-dependant behaviours amounting in self sabotage. It takes as much self awareness to not apologize as it does to make an honest apology.

Yet, we can all agree that it takes a certain type of strength to apologize, especially when it is done genuinely, and for most people, receiving an apology means they are truly seen.

Somehow, having our deepest hurts acknowledged as unjust, counts for the biggest portion in our collective sense of self worth.

In the dynamic between the wounded and aggressor, the detail of power balance is that which makes an apology so significant when it is sincere.

An apology is the blueprint for corrective action from a credible place, even if that place wasn't the source of pain.

Simply put, saying sorry communicates empathy, it tells a person that their pain is understood and they are valued as a person.

APOLOGY ACCEPTED!